Thesis Statements: The Makeover Edition
Well, there’s only so much I can do to make a blog post about
thesis statements interesting, so prepare yourselves for some irrelevant cat gifs dispersed throughout.
I’m
sure most of you have had some sort of instruction on
thesis statements, but often, students will be taught simplistic methods
for
developing a thesis that they sort of latch onto rather than using the
beginner’s
method at first and then evolving toward a more complex method of thesis
development. Think about giving your thesis a makeover. That look you
had going in high school was fine for back them, but it just isn't
working for you anymore now that you're a collegiate superstar. Time to
take it to the next level!
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| Get it, thesis cat! |
So what makes a strong thesis?
- Promotes thinking: leads you to arrive at ideas, rather than just stating the obviou
- Reduces scope: separates useful evidence from the mass of details. (Sometimes students think, “I know, I’ll write a really general thesis, so I can add additional content to my body paragraphs if I need to,” but this creates a watered-down, vague argument).
- Provides direction: helps you decide what to talk about, what to talk about next, and what NOT to talk about. Imagine little arrows going from your central argument (thesis) to the analysis portions of your body paragraphs. Each new piece of analysis should build on that central argument.
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| This is why we don't tackle too much at a once. |
- Attaches you too early to a too-large idea so that you stop actually seeing the evidence in its real-life complexity or thinking about the idea itself
- Produces demonstration rather than discovery of new ideas by making the same overly general point again and again about a range of evidence
- Includes too much possible data without helping you see what’s most important to talk about. You really want to avoid facts or lists in your thesis. Save your paragraph topics and information for your body paragraphs.
A strong, productive thesis…
- usually contains tension, the balance of “this” against “that.”
- often begins with a grammatically subordinate idea that will get outweighed by a more pressing claim: “Although X appears to be about Y, it’s actually arguing Z.”
- avoids listing (like a 3-point thesis/5-paragraph essay).
- uses active verbs and specific nouns.
Here are some examples of strong and weak thesis statements
that relate to our course theme:
 |
| May your thesis be as strong as these cats |
Weak: Homelessness can be caused by circumstances, mental illness, or addiction.
Strong: While
homelessness is a pervasive problem in American society, homeless female vets
are an especially vulnerable population.
Weak: The
upper class lifestyle isn’t all it seems to be.
Strong: One
might assume that a child raised in the upper class has it all, but upper class
children struggle in a variety of ways.
For
your comment EITHER post your working thesis statement you're thinking
about using for your SSI OR comment on two students' thesis statements,
providing helpful/constructive feedback. FYI, I will be providing feedback in the comments section, so you might not want to waste an instructor feedback opportunities by responding to other students instead of posting your own thesis statement.
My working thesis for my SSI will be along the lines of: "Many people see the recipients of food stamps to be lazy, unproductive citizens; however, while there are those who attempt to take the most from doing the least, most of the food stamp recipients depend on the government support they receive and could not survive without it."
ReplyDeleteI like the ideas and the contrast here, but probably want to refine and condense so it's a little more concise.
DeleteMy working thesis for SSI is “Technology is growing in today's world, but it leaves many people lost, searching for what they can do and fighting against the different social classes to make a better way of life for themselves.”
ReplyDeleteMake sure you hit that education angle since that's what your primary source is about. Want to get more specific and show that strong connection to your source.
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is “While it may seem like the upper class are born with a silver spoon in their mouth and the lower class always seems to have to make the best with what they have, in reality each class has their own unique struggles to be accepted into society and their respective class.”
ReplyDelete-Vidhi Daga
Let's try to narrow this quite a bit. Which class is depicted in your primary source? Focus just on that. If you're looking at acceptance within a particular class, be clear on what that class is and what markers are necessary for acceptance (without resorting to listing).
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is the following: "Suburban flight altered the socioeconomic structure of urban neighborhoods, which forced business and services to follow new homeowners to the suburbs."
ReplyDelete-Ryan Hess
Can you bring this into the present? What is the effect of this flight on the current urban neighborhood. You want to keep the focus on now/urban since that's what's your primary source is about.
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is "Fast food has always held the stereotype of being the food of the lower social class and the use of celebrities in advertisements for fast food help justify and reinforce the stereotype. "
ReplyDelete-Victor Caraballo
I'm a little confused by associating celebrities with lower class/fast food. Those seem like two different worlds, so I'm not sure about this argument.
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is "Even though the American government has allowed for the nation’s upper class to ignore this growing epidemic, poverty in the country is causing an entire lower class of people to suffer from developmental health problems brought on by the stress of their financial situations. " -Kristin Stremlaw
ReplyDeleteI would work on stripping this down. We don't get to developmental health problems of the lower class until the end of your thesis, when that should be the crux. I'm also not sure what "this growing epidemic" is. If you're focusing on the upper class blocking the lower class from access to affordable healthcare, then keep both of those elements, but it seems like the focus should be on the lower class.
DeleteMy thesis is: "Although it may seem like healthcare is provided to all Americans equally, especially with the enacting of government sponsored programs such as Obamacare, many lower class Americans fail to make it to doctor's visits and get the healthcare they need.
ReplyDeleteSeems like you're talking about access here. Healthcare/insurance is not the same as true access. I would focus on paring down the wording, particularly in your intro phrase. And I'd also maybe rethink the premise of that first statement (I don't think anyone thinks healthcare is an even playing field across class, but some people aren't terribly troubled by the inequity or think those who don't have access should just work harder).
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is "Although the term 'lower-class' often incites images of broken down homes or cheap and torn clothes, a more recent divide is seen in the food different classes eat and the diets they keep"
ReplyDeleteThis is a good start, but I'd like to see a bit more tension here. Saying that there are class differences in food consumption is something most rational people would agree with. How can you complicate that?
DeleteMy working thesis will probably be "Though obesity is more common in upper class people around the world, America's lower class citizens are more likely to be obese due to food deserts and the frequent consumption of affordable fast food."
ReplyDeleteLooks pretty good!
DeleteMy working thesis for the SSI could be "A lot of people complain about huge gaps between social classes due to economic inequality or over allocation of resource to rich people; However, the issue about economic inequality is fiercely debated and there are also people arguing for upper class elite.
ReplyDeleteI'm not seeing a clear argument here. You're touching on some issues like economic inequality, but I'm not seeing a clear argument you are making about that topic.
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is "While most of people believe the reason why obesity leaded in the lower class people is because of the low income, which they have to consume more tasty fast food with sweetness and high calories. However, the main issue is lower class society people have less cognition of healthy food because of the lower education level."
ReplyDeleteDo you mean lower education level academically or less nutritional knowledge? This is pretty lengthy, and I'm not 100% clear on the argument.
DeleteThe thesis that I'm working on is: "Although you might assume that children who aren’t born into high socioeconomic class here in America are at a small disadvantage with their future, your socioeconomic class plays a huge impact on how it shapes and affects you and your future.”.
ReplyDeleteI think most rational people would think that being born into economic disadvantage would hugely impact a child's future. Keep working on developing a strong argument that's debatable. Also, want to avoid 2nd person (you) in academic essays.
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is "Although a musician's talent can provide the foundation of success, family's background (different social class) often play an important role throughout a musician's career. From the aspects of the supports they can provide and the effects of musical taste in their environment." ------Henry Huang
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty broad. Think about what type of musician and which class you are focusing on (see your primary source). Get more specific.
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is "While diet may not seem like it can be easily connected to social class, the quality of diets eaten by different classes is a large separator and can be a great health concern for the lower class." - Sara Kodish
ReplyDeleteI think most people would see a connection between diet and social class, so really focus on the lower class and what specific health concerns are unique to that demographics diet.
DeleteMy thesis statement for the SSI is "Although large amount of Americans are still suffering from the hungry, government is not paying enough attention to the hungry problem in the domestic."
ReplyDeleteSo there are some wording/grammar errors that are affecting the coherence here. Saying the government isn't paying enough attention to our national hunger/food insecurity problem is too broad. Think about focusing on a specific action the government could take or a specific aspect of the problem.
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is " Many People start to complain of the social inequity of resources distribution or long for the social prestige and high income of upper class; However, the difference of education is the main cause of inequity between upper classes and lower class and what the lower classes really need."
ReplyDeleteSeems like what you're saying here is education could be a class equalizer, but you'll need to dig deeper than that. Public education? Higher education? Preschool? Do you mean an equal education because everyone is entitled to K-12 education here, but that doesn't seem to fix income inequality.
DeleteMy thesis statement for the SSI is "One might assume that people and who they will become are not determined by the social class, however, social class is fundamental to what people become, and they affect people's orientation to life."
ReplyDeleteHm, I'm not seeing a clear, specific argument here. This is conveying some generalities about social class but I'm not sure what the argument is.
DeleteMy thesis is "In spite of the belief that America's opioid epidemic mainly affects the economically disadvantaged, an increasing number of upper middle class youth struggle with addiction." Also, my favorite Michael Jackson song is "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough."
ReplyDeleteLooks solid!
DeleteMy thesis that I am working on is:
ReplyDelete"While using one's time to provide some sort of aid to homeless people is often seen as very charitable, today's society has become blind to the barrier between charity and exploitation and the real meaning behind 'giving back'."
Make sure you key in on what's unique about your primary source. You're not looking at giving to the homeless in general, you are looking at recording and sharing the act and what that means.
DeleteAlthough amusement park advertisements seem to be displaying all the fun Americans can have, these promotions are actually aiming towards higher class families in order to increase their company's income.
ReplyDeleteKeep working on the last part of the sentence. Obviously companies want to make money, but there's something about childhood magic only being accessible to a select few that is really interesting and sad.
DeleteMy working thesis is"The education system in America has evolved as a business enterprise rather than a social service should be providing a high standard of education for all people. "
ReplyDeleteI like this, but just make sure it can directly connect to your primary source.
DeleteMy working thesis is " what they tend to achieve when people in different classes are consuming and their mental status when they are consuming."
ReplyDeleteConsuming what? I'm a little unclear on what argument is being made here. Make sure you are taking a really narrow approach based on what is depicted in your primary source.
DeleteMy working these is "Homelessness in America has developed into such a normal sight that one does not even look twice when passing a homeless man or woman on the street; although there are many different groups trying to aid these people, which is most effective is not proven yet."
ReplyDeleteSo this thesis is kind of undercutting itself with a shrug and non-solution at the end. Try taking a stronger stance. Why do you think homelessness is so pervasive that people aren't bothered by it. Or are they bothered by it? Are there other reasons why someone would ignore a homeless person? Is aid a part of your primary source?
DeleteMy current thesis is: "While many often turn a blind eye to it, the debate on social welfare is a problem that affects the lives of many underprivileged working class families, and every day spent that this issue is not resolved is a day of lives either being destroyed or even lost and requires much more consideration by society than it currently gets." MJ is awesome- favorite song is Beat It. Iconic and grew up on it.
ReplyDelete-Jacob Gordon
The debate is the problem? How? Why? This is interesting, but there is a ton of other content in this thesis that isn't digging into that. Work on stripping down the argument.
DeleteMy working thesis for the secondary source integration is: "Homelessness in America, and all over the world, is an ever-present issue; however, the veteran population is especially at risk."
ReplyDelete-Miqaela Weller
This is a good start but dig a little deeper. Why is this the case? Most people are already pretty aware that veterans are at a high risk for homelessness so push it further.
DeleteMy working thesis for the SSI is: " While a lot of people believe in "American Dream" and consider America is a classless society, however lower class community has been marginalized.
ReplyDeleteTry to complicate this further. This is a statement most rational people with agree with, so you want to try to find something more debatable.
DeleteMy current thesis is "One might think that a women in power at a workplace in america has it all, but the reality is women at top still struggle in a variety of ways."
ReplyDeleteReema
Good but try to get more specific in your second phrase. How do they struggle? How is this struggle unique to them and their class status?
DeleteMy working thesis of the SSI is: since the middle class become the majority of the American social, how people face their social statues and the measurement of the class right now is appropriate or not.
ReplyDelete---Duoyuan Wang
Hm, I'm not sure what this means, so I'm having a hard time providing revision tips. Feel free to rework the wording on this and email it to me for feedback. As of now, I don't understand what's being said.
DeleteMy working thesis is along the lines of "Although there are systems in place that were created to assist the lower class struggling to provide for their families, as it exists now the EBT program may be doing more harm than good to both those that depend on it, and those who fund it."
ReplyDeleteHarm to those who depend on it and those who fund it are two big, separate ideas. Should probably just focus on one or the other.
DeleteMy working thesis is "Even though immigrants may come with less skills, they quickly acclimate to America and help to strengthen the economy."
ReplyDelete- Brad Knez
This is good but a little basic. Maybe get more specific with how they acclimate/strengthen the economy.
DeleteMy working thesis is "Although people suggest that american socioeconomic inequality is result from incorrect government policies, there are several other ways people can do to reduce the inequality without changing any policy."
ReplyDeleteSo this is pretty general but heading in the right direction. What exactly do you mean by reducing inequality without changing any policy? Get more specific with that piece.
DeleteMy thesis statement is, "Though there are many factors enable poverty, a confounding variable that many do not realize is an issue is society’s apathy towards it. "
ReplyDeleteThe wording here is tripping me up a bit. Are you saying apathy (and get more clear with what you mean by that) is the main factor to enabling poverty? Whose apathy (society is too broad).
DeleteMy working thesis for SSI is : "Although the advent of new technologies has brought with it an abundance of new white collar jobs, these same technologies threaten to displace blue collar and lower class workers."
ReplyDelete--Parker Spielvogel
My thesis statement is, "Though the government is trying to provide equal opportunity and workplace for all workforce, higher class employees still have substantially better working experience which could positively contribute towards their life."
ReplyDelete-Yang Jiang
Good but clean up the wording in your intro phrase.
DeleteCadmon Osei-Amanquah
ReplyDeleteMy working thesis. "Seeking a higher education is seen as an equalizer among the social classes, but the middle and lower social class, which need this the most, are restrained by its constant uprising cost".
I like this.
DeleteMy thesis statement is, "While on the surface, majority of the NBA fans think that the NBA is dominated by players who grew up in the lower-class, however, the NBA is populated by players from the middle and upper-class."
ReplyDeleteFavourite MJ song: You are not alone
I like this because it challenges a common misconception.
DeleteMy working thesis is "Why it seems hard for lower social class to escape from poverty due to their poor mental health, even though government tries to help them."
ReplyDelete--------Yuhao Chen
Need to rework the wording here. I'm not 100% clear on the argument here. Those in poverty with mental health issues get very little government help unfortunately, due to huge budget cuts in the Reagan era that shut down public mental hospitals (many of which should've been shut down) but then they were not replaced. It's hard to get access to mental healthcare even if you have insurance due to our current mental health crisis (not enough therapy spots open, not enough beds open, not enough funding).
DeleteMy working thesis for SSI is "While upper class of a country is the core for itself to develop, there are so many urgent problems with bottom class needed to be solved."
ReplyDeleteDefinitely need to get more specific. You need to be focusing on one problem (whatever your primary source is about), and then make a focused argument about that.
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is "Although the wage of a full-time job should be able to cover the basic cost of living of a worker, some of them still homeless in the U.S. now."
ReplyDelete- Yunjie Shi
replace "some" with a more specific subject, but good otherwise.
DeleteMy thesis for the SSI is “Although it is fairly common for every students to seek higher education, socioeconomic class plays a huge role on the college choice of students.”
ReplyDeleteThis is another one that needs a little more tension. This is a statement that most people would agree with. Push it further. What is the effect of this? Why does it matter?
DeleteMy working thesis is "Though people in poverty are given foodstamps and other aid, the quality and quantity of their food may not enough for a healthy and sustainable life."
ReplyDeleteGood, but it's SNAP not food stamps now.
DeleteMy yhesis for the SSI is "The Ivy League university's tuition fee are much higher than the medain of national income, thus this is a kind of educational inequality for different classes."
ReplyDeleteSo this is a statement that needs to be taken further. Most people are already aware of this, so maybe look at the effect of this inequity.
DeleteOh no. So sorry I didn't update the gifs after the Neverland doc. Haven't watched it but I've read enough about it to know that I need to remove those ASAP. Get ready for some sassy cats who have harmed no one!
ReplyDeleteWe need more specificity here. The disappearance of the American Dream is a place to start, but you need to push that to make a more detailed argument.
ReplyDeleteTry to make a stronger argument. Telling the reader what they need to understand isn't enough to base your central argument on.
ReplyDeleteMy working thesis is "Healthcare should easily be one of the most accessible programs for U.S citizens because that is our civil right; However, inequality in healthcare is one of America's biggest problems.
ReplyDeleteMy thesis statement for the SSI is "The video, “Timeless, The Film”, uses a luxury brand to demonstrate how different social classes in America view one another. "
ReplyDelete